


Dildo Wars

by cabooseachievables



Category: Power Rangers, Power Rangers (2017)
Genre: Crack, Dildos, F/F, Gen, and you can thank the trimberly discord server for it, this is literally one big crack disaster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 15:21:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11210820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cabooseachievables/pseuds/cabooseachievables
Summary: When Zack Taylor decided that launching a dildo onto a roof would be a hilarious idea for his Snapchat story, he didn't realize it would turn into an all out war between the Power Rangers.(https://twitter.com/_laurenng_/status/872851747282223106 This video started it all. You can thank the Trimberly Dwarves discord server for coming up with this idea of the rangers hiding dildos in each other's stuff for shits and giggles. Also, Jason Scott is going to lose his mind.)





	Dildo Wars

“Yo, Billy!” Zack shouted in the cafeteria, approaching the table where a quiet Billy was seated. Tucked under Zack’s arm was a light blue yoga ball, which he must have stolen from the equipment room in the gym. (How was he able to get away with that?) With a suspiciously large grin on his face, he plopped down next to Billy. “I need your help with something.”

 

“Oh. I’m sure I could help, but if it involves exercise I think you would be better off asking Jason,” Billy said, focused on writing something in front of him. Some kind of plans, or a list of ideas maybe. Most of the words on his paper were out of Zack’s vocabulary. “I mean, I’m assuming it involves exercise because of the--”

 

“It’s for  _ science _ ,” Zack whispered, leaning in close as if it was a valuable secret to be kept. There was a wild look in his eyes, one that implied this plan of his was absolutely absurd, but Billy couldn’t turn down an experiment for science. Not even when Zack reached into his bookbag, pulling out a tan (and hopefully unused) dildo. He planted it right in the middle of the table, ignoring any weird stares from passing students.

 

Billy was speechless, staring at the object with confusion written all over his face.

 

“Let’s go!” Zack said, jumping up from his seat, grabbing the dildo and motioning for Billy to follow.

 

 

**

 

 

When Kim couldn’t find her friends at their usual table for lunch, she went around the school building trying to find them. The first place she checked was behind one of the stairwells, where they’d go sometimes when the cafeteria was too overwhelming. Then she’d checked by their lockers, the gym, the science labs; there were no signs of them anywhere, and neither of them were answering her text messages.

 

It wasn’t until she’d walked past an open window and heard Zack’s stupid laughter that she figured out where they were.

 

Making sure the halls were empty and no one outside was around to see, Kim climbed out of the window and scaled the side of the building until she reached the roof.

 

And sure enough, there they were.

 

Zack had his phone in his left hand, Snapchat opened and ready to record, while his other hand held… a dildo, attached to an exercise ball. Billy was coaching him, pointing to the ground from the edge of the roof and saying things like, “drop it at this angle” and “make sure it lands right there.”

 

Never, in her entire life, did Kim think this was something she’d walk in on.

 

“What are you guys doing up here?” Kim asked, startling the two boys who hadn’t even noticed her presence. Zack nearly dropped the ball, literally. But clearly they found this hilarious, because both of them burst into fits of giggles soon enough.

 

“Kim, just in time!” Zack managed to say through his laughter, holding up the dildo for her to see, as if she couldn’t before. There was no doubt that whatever they were up to, it was Zack’s idea and he’d somehow convinced Billy to go along with it. It was some ridiculous, dumb idea that he’d woken up with that morning and decided to execute it on the school’s rooftop.

 

Kim was curious enough to find out what it was.

 

“We’re gonna drop this and see if the dildo lands on the roof over there,” Zack explained, smiling. He pointed to a part of the school’s roof that wasn’t accessible, or at least, for an average teenager. A Ranger could easily jump the gap to get over there if they wanted to, but where’s the fun in that? “It’s gonna be hilarious to have on my story.”

 

There was no way this could work. The idea of it all was so bizarre! Dropping an exercise ball off of the school roof to launch a dildo through the sky, only for it to land on another part of the roof?

 

“Okay, Zack. Three… two… one!” Billy counted down as Zack hit record on his phone, and at his cue, released the dildo from his grasp.

 

There was no way this could work.

 

Except it did, and once the ball hit the ground, the dildo soared through the sky like Superman. It’s a bird, it’s a plane! No, it’s a goddamn flying dildo.

 

And it landed perfectly on the roof, right on the base, wiggling until it stabilized itself. Zack stopped the recording before whooping, high fiving a proud Billy.

 

Kim couldn’t even believe her eyes.

 

But damn if she wasn’t impressed.

 

“We have to do that again,” Kim said, a smile growing on her lips that Zack joined in on. This was so stupid yet so  _ genius _ that even Kimberly Hart couldn’t resist it. This was only the beginning of something big.

 

 

**

 

 

“Nice job, Kim!” Zack cheered, pumping his fists into the air triumphantly. Kim posed dramatically, flexing and laughing as if she’d just won a gold medal in the Olympics. That was far from the reason, though.

 

Ever since the first day on the roof, their trio had been coming back during lunch and free periods with a stolen exercise ball to launch more dildos. With the help of Billy’s expertise, they’d managed to get several more across to the other roof, landing them in a specific design.

 

To be more specific: they were now in the shape of a lightning bolt.

 

No one else had caught on to their strange new sport yet, and no one seemed to question the fact that some of the gym equipment would temporarily go missing every day. It was only a matter of time, though, until someone figured out what they were doing.

 

Zack and Kim had been too busy celebrating their completion of the Power Rangers symbol that they didn’t notice footsteps approaching behind them. Billy was quietly clearing his throat to get their attention, but neither of them realized it until it was too late.

 

“I told you they were doing something up here,” a familiar voice said, grabbing Kimberly’s attention immediately. It was a soft, quiet, yet sarcastic voice that they’d all grown to love. Trini.

 

“What are you guys doing?” Another voice questioned, deeper and more exasperated. Jason.

 

The culprits turned to face their friends who had climbed up on the roof sometime during their antics. Trini stood there with her arms crossed, eyebrow raised as she tried to peer around them to get a glance at whatever they were doing. Jason just sighed, hands buried in the front pockets of his jeans.

 

“We were, uh,” Zack started, picking up the blue exercise ball and hugging it against his body. “We were just working out up here, dude. You wanted us to train more, right?”

 

“I thought we were doing this for science,” Billy frowned, and Zack stiffened at the words. He couldn’t lie to Billy, not like this.

 

Jason stepped forward. “Doing what for science? Throwing… dildos across the roof?”

 

“Actually, we’re dropping them with gym equipment in order to  _ project _ them to the roof,” Billy corrected him, smiling proudly. The way he explained it sounded much more professional and reasonable-- as if they  _ weren’t _ tossing around sex toys for humorous reasons. It must have been surprising for them to see Billy participate in such an activity. Zack and Kim? Not surprising. 

 

Trini leaned over a little, staring at the other side of the roof and catching a glimpse of the dildo lightning formation. Despite the slight curl of her lips that threatened to give her away, she still looked at them as if they were complete idiots with zero impulse control. And, yeah, maybe that was true.

 

“What if someone saw you guys up here? How do you explain that?” Jason asked, his typical fatherly tone coming out. The last thing they needed was to have their identities exposed because of some prank they were pulling. Jason pursed his lips briefly, shaking his head. “And where are you guys getting all of those?”

 

Zack slowly walked over to the red ranger, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. Looking between Jason and Trini with a straight face, all he said in response was a hushed, “ _ Science _ .”

 

What a fucking idiot.

 

 

**

 

 

It had been a few days since the roof encounter, and the trio had promised to stop with their dildo launching activities. Jason was relieved, glad to know that their identities were no longer at risk because of an idea Zack came up with for Snapchat followers. They figured the whole fiasco was over, and that there was nothing left to worry about.

 

Until Trini decided to stop by her locker before math, and opened it to find a yellow dildo waiting inside.

 

She quickly slammed it shut, face burning and cheeks turning red in hopes that nobody saw it as they passed. The hallway was full of students getting to and from class. There were eyes everywhere, and apparently a sex toy stuck inside of Trini’s locker. Only two people could have done this: Zack, who could have done this solely to mess with her, or Kim, who would do this to tease her in a very cruel way. Regardless of who did this, Trini was going to find out and get revenge for it.

 

For now, though, she’d just go to math without her textbook. There was no way in hell she’d open her locker again with people around her. That would have to wait until later, when the halls were empty.

 

On her way to class, she created a group chat on her phone with the two suspects.

 

_ Group chat created with  _ **_Kimberly Hart <3 _ ** _ and  _ **_Zack Taylor :/_ **

 

**Trini [10:13AM]**

very funny.

 

**Kimberly Hart <3 [10:15AM]**

What?

 

**Zack Taylor :/ [10:16AM]**

yeah what’s up crazy girl??

 

**Trini [10:16AM]**

which one of you did it?

 

**Zack Taylor :/ [10:18AM]**

no :) idea :) what :) ur :) talking :) about :)

 

**Trini [10:19AM]**

TAYLOR

 

**Kimberly Hart <3 [10:23AM]**

Ok yeah that one wasn’t me

But if anyone gets an angry text from Jason

THAT one was me

Lol

 

**_Trini_ ** _ has added  _ **_Mama Jason_ ** _. _

 

**Mama Jason [10:37AM]**

UNBELIEVABLE!

Where did you even find a dildo that shade of red?!

 

**_Mama Jason_ ** _ has added  _ **_Billy Blue_ ** _. _

 

**Billy Blue [10:40AM]**

Hi guys!

 

**Trini [10:45AM]**

hi billy.

taylor, be ready.

 

**Zack Taylor :/ [10:46AM]**

o shit

is that a threat???

 

**Kimberly Hart <3 [10:48AM]**

I think so

 

**_Zack Taylor :/_ ** _ has changed the group name to  _ **[DILDO WARS!!]** _. _

 

**Mama Jason [10:51AM]**

Oh my god.

 

Trini sighed, shutting off her phone as she stood in front of her locker. It was finally her lunch period and the halls had cleared after the second bell. This left her with the privacy she needed to dispose of that hideous yellow dildo Zack had left for her and transport it to somewhere he’d find it. She opened the locker, eyes darting to the yellow that stood out against gray metal, but gasped when she saw something else next to it.

 

A neon pink dildo, with a post it note attached.

 

_ Thought you’d like this color better ;) - Kim _

 

Holy fuck.

 

Kimberly Ann Hart was going to be the death of her, without a doubt. It’s because of this huge crush that Trini has on her, and the fact that she isn’t subtle at hiding it. At all. Zack knows, Jason knows, and even Billy knows after they’d explained it to him. Who’s to say Kim doesn’t know too?

 

And she probably does, if the note were anything to go by.

 

With a sigh, Trini grabbed both toys out of her locker and shoved them into the depths of her bag. This was probably the most embarrassing thing she’d ever had to do. Who carries dildos in their bag around school? Apparently the Power Rangers do that now, because they’ve never heard of boundaries.

 

Next step: find Zack Taylor’s car in the school parking lot.

 

She slipped out through one of the school’s side exits, one that she knew would remain unlocked for her to get back in, and made her way to the student parking section. Not many high school students had cars of their own yet, so it was easy to find Zack’s beaten up car. The chipped black paint and slanted parking really gave it away, but the lightning bolt sticker on his bumper really sold it. Now, what were the odds that the idiot had actually  _ locked _ his car?

 

Trini took in a deep breath before tugging on one of the door handles. Fortunately, the door opened easily without any blaring alarms or locks. She’d have to remind him later that locking his car was actually important to do, if he didn’t want his car to get stolen at some point. But right now, she had to find a spot for these disgraceful dildos.

 

The yellow one would look  _ great _ on display, sitting obnoxiously on his dashboard for everyone to see. The pink one? That could go right on the driver’s seat, waiting for him to sit down. Satisfied with the placements, Trini shut the car door with a smirk. Hopefully he would take his time getting to his car after school, letting herds of high schoolers pass by the parking lot, only to see a bright sex toy on display that must be owned by Zack Taylor himself.

 

Perfect.

 

 

**

 

 

Math homework was excruciating. It was Trini’s worst subject for as long as she could remember, and she absolutely hated it.

 

Currently, she was staring-- more like glaring-- at a problem in her textbook that she had no idea how to do. That was why the sound of a  _ thump _ on her bedroom window didn’t particularly bother her. She figured it was one of the Rangers there to climb in and hang out with her, so she stood up with a groan as some bones in her body cracked. There was another loud  _ thump _ against the glass.

 

This time, she didn’t miss the shape that hit it.

 

It was another one of those fucking dildos. Someone was throwing them at her window.

 

“Seriously? We’re chuckin’ these at windows now?” Trini growled as she opened her window, looking down at the lawn in front of her house. She froze immediately when her eyes landed on Kim, who was winding up for another toss but halted when she heard Trini’s voice. “Kim? What are you doing?”

 

“I just wanted to get your attention. I’m coming up,” Kim whisper-shouted, in hopes that Mr. and Mrs. Gomez hadn’t heard their commotion. She scaled the house quickly, and Trini helped her in through the window. In her arms were three multi-colored dildos.

 

“I was trying to do homework like a  _ good _ student. One who  _ doesn’t _ throw sex toys at people’s windows,” Trini said, smiling as she sat down on the edge of her bed. Kim laughed at the words.

 

“Look, I didn’t start this. Zack did. And I can’t help it if I like having fun,” Kim replied. She flopped onto the bed beside Trini, eyes glued to the ceiling as she inhaled deeply. Trini’s room always smelled like vanilla and her bedsheets smelled like whatever detergent she liked to use, something that Kim always appreciated when she visited. For some reason, it was relaxing. “Come on, I know you think this is hilarious too. Otherwise you wouldn’t have left those dildos in Zack’s car.”

 

Trini snorted. That was great. “He had that coming.”

 

“He did,” Kimberly sat up, stifling a laugh. “You should’ve seen his face when he saw kids taking pictures of his car.”

 

That resulted in full-blown laughter from Trini, picturing the scene in her head. It must’ve been a moment for the history books! She was too busy wiping tears of laughter out of her eyes to notice the way Kim was looking at her, with this soft smile at the sound of her laugh. By the time she composed herself, Kim was just staring at the dildos in her hands.

 

“I came by to see if you wanted to have some fun with these,” Kim said, and she noted the way Trini’s body went entirely rigid at the words. Alright, that could have been phrased much better. But now both of them were surely imagining filthy things (as if Kim hadn’t been thinking such things since the very beginning). “I mean-- I meant, I wanted to put some glue on these and go throw them at Jason’s window.”

 

“Oh,” Trini cleared her throat, trying to hide the way her cheeks were flushed. Clean thoughts. Clean thoughts, Trini. “Yeah, that’d be funny.”

 

“Alright,” Kim nodded, getting up from the bed before pausing. She turned back to the yellow ranger, an evil glint in her eye. Trini reached over for a water bottle on her nightstand. “I have a few other ones still in my room, if you want to have  _ actual _ fun with them later.”

 

Trini choked on her sip of water.

 

Kimberly Ann Hart really was going to kill her.

 

 

**

 

 

“Jason! Your mother needs help with the laundry!” Sam Scott shouted from downstairs.

 

“I’ll be down in a minute,” Jason called back, sitting on his bed with his laptop. His powerpoint presentation for chemistry was almost done, only requiring a few more citations at the end. It surely wasn’t his greatest work, but it was enough to get him a passing grade. Beside him was his phone, some new song by DNCE playing at a low volume for background noise.

 

Then, out of nowhere, there was a giant  _ SMACK _ .

 

His head shot up to face the window a few feet away.

 

And, really, he should have been expecting to see a dildo on the other side of the glass. But he hadn’t been expecting it, and was nonetheless disappointed when he saw the colorful item stuck to the window. Jason frowned, placing aside his laptop and getting up from the bed. That was when the dildo slowly started sliding down the glass, creating an obnoxious screeching noise as it made its way down to the windowsill.

 

_ SMACK. _

 

Another one flew at the window, this time sticking the landing and successfully remaining in its place.

 

Jason opened his window in time to catch Trini getting ready to throw another with a giggling Kimberly next to her. When they noticed his presence with wide eyes, Trini nearly dropped the toy, whispering  _ abort!, abort!, _ and accidentally bumping into Kim as they frantically tried to run away in two different directions. Then they ran together, hopping over his backyard fence and out of view before he could say anything.

 

He sighed, grabbing at the dildo stuck to his window and tugging on it.

 

Then he tugged again.

 

And again.

 

And  _ why wasn’t it coming off--  _ oh my god, they put glue on the base.

 

 

**

 

 

The sound of snoring filled the small mobile home as Trini tiptoed inside. Billy followed, shutting the door quietly behind him. When they looked around, the two of them were greeted by Zack’s mother who waved from her spot on a worn out couch. There was an old TV in front of her showing some kind of foreign movie with Mandarin subtitles. She didn’t say anything about the sudden visitors or the bag Trini had in her hand, and instead returned her attention to the movie.

 

Billy pointed to the small room off to the side, and with the bedroom door cracked open just so, they could see Zack asleep on his bed. Trini nodded in confirmation, making her way over as Billy chose to sit down on the couch and attempt to follow the unknown movie. There were actors fighting on screen with poorly hidden harnesses around their bodies as they glided across the set, shouting and screaming words in another language. It was completely unrealistic! If only the directors could see the way the Rangers train.

 

Zack’s snoring was so loud, it was wonder how he didn’t wake himself up from his slumber. There were dirty clothes strewn about, in medium-sized piles on the floor. The rest of the home was relatively neat, and it was surprising to find that Zack’s room was the only messy part. Maybe he cleaned everywhere else for the sake of his mother, to ensure that she’d never have to lift a mop or broom again in her life. Maybe he was just lazy. Either way, his room was disgusting and Trini’s face scrunched up as she stepped over an empty pizza box.

 

She reached into her bag, unzipping it slowly to avoid too much noise, and pulled out a jet black dildo that Kim had bought specifically to mess with Zack. This plan would take such perfect execution that Trini would genuinely be surprised if she pulled it off-- but she’d be a legend to Billy and Kimberly if she did.

 

So Trini pulled out a small roll of scotch tape and ripped off a strip. She cringed at the sound it made, but Zack didn’t stir in the slightest. He was still asleep on his back, mouth wide open as he continued to snore like some abnormally large beast. This was the part that would take concentration and  _ precision _ . It would take patience, and enough care to ensure that Zack wouldn’t wake up in the middle of it.

 

Holding her breath, Trini slowly lowered the dildo until the base hovered over Zack’s forehead, and she hesitated slightly to find the correct angle. It had to be set down perfectly, or else it would fall off and probably hit him in the face. She placed it on his forehead, releasing it slowly to see if it would stand on it’s own.

 

And it did.

 

Before she could celebrate, though, she had to tape it down. With both hands, Trini put the tape over the base and gently smoothed out the ends on Zack’s forehead.

 

Mission: success.

 

Trini whipped out her phone as quickly as possible, bringing up the camera and snapping several pictures. She got a few good shots before Zack began to shift slightly, groaning in his sleep, which could only be a sign that he was waking up.

 

Immediately, she dashed out of the room biting her lip to fight back laughter, and Billy said goodbye to Zack’s mother as he did the same. His mother smiled and provided a soft accented, “Goodbye!”

 

“Start the car, Kim!” Trini shouted as they rushed outside. Kimberly had been waiting out front, sitting on the ground and watching YouTube videos to occupy the time. As soon as she heard Trini’s voice she sprung up, pulling out her car keys.

 

Inside of the mobile home, Zack let out a disgruntled and surprised, “ _ Hey _ !”

 

Before hopping into the backseat of Kim’s car, Trini whipped out her phone and pulled up the group chat she’d created.

 

Attach file. Photo gallery. Picture. Send.

 

**Trini [4:34PM]**

_ Attached a photo _

 

**Zack Taylor :/ [4:39PM]**

HA HA VERY FUNNY GUYS

thats actually a good angle for me

do you think i could crop out the dildo on my forehead   
  


 

**

 

 

The downstairs bathroom was clear. The front hallway was clear. Or at least, Jason was pretty sure they were clear. He’d begun to tear this house upside down, moving around drawers and cabinets and expensive decorations that his mother bought. He’d even checked the little nooks and crannies, regardless of how unreasonable they were.

 

When it came to Zack Taylor, anything was possible.

 

And earlier that morning, Zack confessed to Jason that he had hidden at least a dozen dildos around the Scott household when no one was watching. That was enough to send Jason into a frenzy, looking around the house in every single room for any signs of a hidden sex toy. The very last thing he needed was for one of his parents to find one and question why there was one (or multiple) in their home.

 

Next was the living room. The couch was an easy spot to hide things, with the help of cushions and pillows. There had to be at least one there. Or maybe in the TV stand, hidden with the cable box or their collection of remotes. Or with their stacks of DVDs and outdated VHS tapes. Maybe there was one hidden on the windowsill behind the curtains, or with the decorative plants in the corner…

 

The doorbell startled Jason while he was in the middle of moving the couch.

 

It turned out to be Billy, who waved at him as soon as the front door was opened.

 

“Hey Jason!” Billy greeted, stepping inside and removing his navy blue shoes. It wasn’t mandatory that everyone took their shoes off in the front room, but Billy always took it upon himself to do so. “I was just wondering if we could--”

 

He had been walking and stopped just before entering the living room. He was obviously eyeing the disaster Jason created in his search, frowning. There were no visible signs of combat, no threats of danger or evidence of a crime, which only seemed to confuse him. 

 

“Zack said he hid some things around my house, and I’m trying to find them before anyone else in my family does,” Jason said, picking up some pillows that had ended up on the floor and placing them back on the couch. Hopefully the explanation was understandable enough.

 

“Zack?” Billy didn’t move, deep in thought. Then something occurred to him, and he shook his head. “I thought he just said that to mess with you. Or, at least, that’s what he told Trini and Kimberly.”

 

Jason stopped and closed his eyes.

 

Of course.

 

Of  _ course _ there weren’t any actual hidden dildos around his house.

 

 

**

 

**Zack Taylor :/ [11:31AM]**

he really fell for it

i cant believe this

 

**Kimberly Hart <3 [11:32AM]**

I actually feel kinda bad for him

But I also dont lol

 

**Trini [11:35AM]**

i would freak out too if zack told me he hid sex toys around my house!

 

**Kimberly Hart <3 [11:36AM]**

Ok true

My mom would kill me

  
  
**Trini [11:38AM]**

kim she’s never home anyway. you’d be fine.

  
  
**Kimberly Hart <3 [11:39AM]**

Youre not wrong

Speaking of which my parents arent home tonight

:)

 

**Zack Taylor :/ [11:41 AM]**

dont u guys have a private texting thread for this??

  
  
**Trini [11:44AM]**

don’t you have anything better to do than pull pranks on jason?

  
  
**Kimberly Hart <3 [11:46AM]**

Hey on the bright side

Zack didnt actually hide anything, so

 

**Zack Taylor :/ [11:38AM]**

well….

 

**Trini [11:40AM]**

oh my god.

 

 

**

 

 

Four of the Rangers were sitting on the steps outside of the school, waiting for Jason to show up before they went inside for Saturday detention. Zack was dozing off on the bottom step, chin resting on his palm with closed eyes as he pretended to listen to Kimberly’s story. Billy and Trini were actually listening, and none of them acknowledged the now-disappearing hickey low on Trini’s neck.

 

Soon there were footsteps approaching them.

 

“There has to be a line!” Jason yelled, not out of anger, but more out of exhaustion. He held up a bright red dildo that actually resembled a tentacle, and Kimberly couldn’t help but start laughing. Trini joined in soon after, leaving a confused Billy to stare at the toy in something between bewilderment and amazement. Zack, on the other hand, had a shit-eating grin on his face.

 

“What are you so worked up about?” Kimberly said in the midst of her laughing, leaning into Trini’s side as they both completely lost their shit. What did they call those again? Bad Dragon or something? She had to sneak in one last remark, “Not your style?”

 

“It wasn’t easy to explain to my  _ dad _ why there was a tentacle dildo stuck to my truck’s windshield!” He said, as if he couldn’t even believe it himself. That was when Zack started laughing, pointing at the tentacle as he gasped for air.

 

“Man, I knew that one would get you good!”

 

“Where did you even get this?” Jason questioned, mouth hanging open in disbelief.

 

“I, uh, have my resources,” Zack whispered, glancing back at the girls who had finally stopped laughing hysterically. Then he stood, leaning up to Jason’s ear to whisper what he considered valuable information: “For  _ science. _ ”

**Author's Note:**

> this was a disaster.
> 
> cabooseachievables @ tumblr


End file.
